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(no subject) [Feb. 27th, 2014|01:58 pm]

schexyschteve
Work has become my worst nightmare. It's my personal version of hell.

Not one but two of my coworkers have announced they're pregnant, within a few weeks of each other. One about two weeks ago, and one yesterday. I think if they would've announced it any other time, I would've still been sad because it's not me (which is stupid, I know having kids isn't a race), but to announce it in February just kills me. I should be preparing for my child's first birthday this year (I was due February 2013). But am I? Nope.

I think the thing that kills me is that both are about 6 weeks along when they told us. You know what I found out about my 6 week old embryo? It was dead. But I didn't even know until 9 weeks. I was waiting until I found out everything was ok via ultrasound to tell people I was pregnant, but it never was ok. So not only did I never get to tell people (beyond close family) I was pregnant, but I didn't get to tell them that I had a miscarriage either. Now when the subject comes up at work (and it does often, because I work in childcare, and we're a really close group), I get to sit there silently, pretending nothing happened, nothing went wrong, and that I'm happy for these people.

EDIT: I found a quote online from a miscarriage blog that said, "It’s not that miscarriage survivors aren’t happy for those around them with healthy pregnancies...It’s simply that your gain highlights our loss." Really sums up how I feel each and every time someone I know announces they're pregnant.
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(no subject) [Feb. 21st, 2014|08:50 pm]

kamomil
I'm weighing whether it's worth it for me, to try concieving again. I had 2 miscarriages, the 2nd with IVF. I had 3 IUIs in between, with Gonal F.

I have recovered from the last miscarriage now and it's about time to go back to the fertility clinic, if I'm going to at all.

-We only had 6 eggs, and only one made it to implantation. So we would have to start from the beginning again. I remember signing our lives away, eg. forms saying what would happen to any frozen embryos in the case of divorce or whatever, guess we don't need to worry about any of that.

-I had a hard time recovering from both miscarriages. The first time, it was straightforward: they found out the pg was not viable, I bled, I bled too much, I had a D & C. The second time, I didn't bleed for about a month after they found no baby, and they gave me Misoprostol, and I bled a little bit. When I really started to bleed, I bled a lot and I went to emerg and had a D & C (2 days later) However afterward, I kept bleeding, which was good for maybe 2 more emerg visits. Finally my fertility doctor put me on the pill for about a month (I had an extra 2 weeks of bcp sitting around from the IVF) which stopped the bleeding. I had the IVF in July. Only in February did I have my first normal post-IVF period.

-I had a hard time recovering emotionally from both miscarriages. The 2nd time was harder, because it was a miscarriage after IVF. I mean the first time, it was meh, okay, nature makes a mistake. But with the IVF, they were supposed to be screening the embryos for genetic mistakes etc. so I am hurt that it didn't work out. From the first miscarriage, I started "talking" to the baby, as though it were an adult. That was a bit disturbing, yet comforting. Finally it went away off into wherever spirits go. With the 2nd miscarriage, I "heard" not a peep. That was disconcerting too.

-My gums were bleeding and turning white while I was on the Gonal F, more so with the IVF because the IVF required more (I guess) I had to start going to the dentist every 4 months and I got an electric toothbrush (which is fabulous in and of itself anyhow) for whatever reason, my gums were giving me a lot of trouble and they're more or less back to normal now. So yeah, I like having all of my teeth and I would like to keep it that way.

-my boyfriend and I have only started normal bedroom activities after months of not doing anything due to all my feeling crappy and bleeding

At this point, I just want to give up and be childless. I am so grateful that my body has gone back to having normal periods and I have my energy back. I want to enjoy that my body functions well right now, and that I'm not tired all the time and feeling like shit.

Am I going insane or am I just doing what is right for me?

If I go through more IVF and have another miscarriage, I don't know the words to describe how I will feel. This last time was about all I could take.

I'm just so tired of everything babies and fertility.

Note: I have been doing counselling with a lady who specializes in infertility issues. I feel a lot better, I really needed help because I was a wreck. She told me that talking to people who were not able to show any sympathy towards me (ie my mom & sisters) was not productive, so I basically stopped talking to them LOL and I feel better. I don't feel anywhere as bad as I did a few months ago though.
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here we go again [Sep. 10th, 2013|08:55 pm]

kamomil
The ultrasound showed an 8 week sac with no fetal pole. We waited a week and a half, had another scan, same thing. So the fertility clinic gave me Cytotec to bring on the bleeding.

My other miscarriage, I was sent home to let it happen naturally and I ended needing a D&C.

So I was happy that they are trying to control the bleeding. But there is no bleeding yet, really. How soon after I take it, should I expect cramping and bleeding? I mean I had a bit of bleeding and passed a sizeable clot but no steady bleeding yet. I want to make sure I don't pass out or bleed through a chair at work. I am hoping it is a steady bleed instead of last time.

The cytotec, I was to insert it vaginally. They are tiny, like baby aspirin, so it was a bit ridiculous getting all 4 in position. The receptionist said to make sure I inserted them high enough, that they had women who had them fall out or whatever. I feel like informing her how difficult it was to work with pills that small LOL she can be a bit abrasive if someone is not co-operating with her on the phone or whatever.
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interesting article about genetics involving miscarriage [Jan. 28th, 2013|11:39 pm]

kamomil
I found this interesting article (at least I found it interesting) http://genetics.thetech.org/ask-a-geneticist/48-46

I found it to be interesting because doctors typically (I don't think) offer us a good reason why we've had a miscarriage - they just want us to concentrate on moving on and trying again.

I realize that some miscarriages are because the woman's eggs are too old and there are genetic errors that are too great and the embryo cannot survive.

However some genetic conditions can cause multiple miscarriages - anyone had any genetic counselling and discovered any definite genetic reasons why?

From the article:Collapse )
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New Here... [Aug. 29th, 2012|07:15 pm]

elsieellis
I guess we're all in this community because we've all been through a similar thing. I wish I was introducing myself under happier circumstances.

On 10th August at our 12 week scan we found out that our baby didn't have a heartbeat and had stopped growing at 8 weeks. Just over a week later (10 days ago now) I miscarried naturally at home.

I want to get my feelings out somewhere where people understand them, which is why I'm here.
There's so much going on in my head at the moment and I don't know what to do with it.

I've started a blog, which has been a big help so far, and hopefully, learning about other's experiences will help me to feel less alone.

I have an absolutely amazing almost-husband and fantastic friends too, but I don't know anyone who has been through a miscarriage. I'm 21 years old, and most of my friends aren't settling down and having children yet, so can't relate to this at all.

I hope this group and my blog will see me through, and I hope I can help others on the way too!

ByeForNow

Elsie (which isn't my real name btw :-p)
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Thank you! [Aug. 17th, 2012|08:20 pm]

yazz_flute
[mood |exhaustedexhausted]

Thanks to everyone who responded to my other post.  I wish miscarriage wasn't such a taboo topic.  It's helpful to know that there are other people who have been there and survived it.
My d&c went fine.  I actually haven't had much cramping at all.  My biggest physical complaints right now are a sore throat from being intubated after they put me under and sore hips and thighs from the stirrups.  I'm also completely exhausted and drained.  Probably from a combination of not sleeping well the last two nights and the anesthesia.
Emotionally I'm still a bit of a wreck.  They gave me some stuff in my iv at the hospital after I woke up from the surgery because I started crying and freaking out.  I wish they could have sent me home with a gallon of whatever it was.  I have a feeling I might need it over the next few days/weeks.
I'm just glad that it's over.  We're going to meet with the doctor in 2 weeks to see if we can figure out if there's a problem or if we just had bad luck twice in a row.

Thanks again everyone!
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what do the pathology test results mean? [Aug. 16th, 2012|09:12 am]

sarpo
I had a missed miscarriage (bleeding started at 10w, baby had stopped growing at 8w). I had a D&E the next day. I went to a followup appointment yesterday, and I was told that the pathology test showed "normal pregnancy tissue". What does that mean? It was my first miscarriage, so I know they weren't doing the expensive genetic testing. But then, what were they testing for? I tried asking the OB, but she wouldn't really give me an answer.
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Thankyou for this community :) [Jul. 12th, 2012|05:43 pm]

kluvsp
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

Hi ladies, im a new member to this community, love and hugs to all those that have the need to be here, its such a painful experience to have to go through.  I felt the need to share a journal entry with you, its a long one but im hoping by sharing I might help not only myself but maybe someone else, as your stories have helped me so I thank you for sharing.  MC is still such a taboo subject and I think it is something that needs to be spoken about more.  Feel free to friend me if you wanna chat, I think it's the best therapy :)


My journeyCollapse )
Cheers for listening to my rant :)
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So..yeah [Jul. 9th, 2012|07:47 pm]

keep_warm
[mood |thoughtfulthoughtful]

I'm Emma. I was a member of this comm following my miscarriage in 2004 with another journal name. I just wanted to share something I wrote, I kind of wonder if it's relatable. Maybe I'm not crazy after all, you know? Obviously it might be upsetting but I don't think it needs any specific trigger warnings, please let me know if I'm wrong.


here goes nothingCollapse )

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chemical pregnancy [Oct. 25th, 2011|02:21 pm]

sugarskullz
i found out i was pregnant about a week ago, and to make a long story short ended up having a chemical pregnancy (went to the er on sunday with heavy bleeding & they confirmed my hcg levels were down to less than 1) & we are planning on trying again starting this month once i ovulate which should be around nov 6th-12th according to my cycle & past charting.

my question is; any stories about chemical pregnancies or getting pregnant after one? i guess i need some sort of support or something, i don't even know the word, i just need to know this could happen for us still.

i don't know if this is the sort of place for this question, i'm just having a really hard time with this right now.
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