||[Feb. 21st, 2014|08:50 pm]
The Miscarriage Community
I'm weighing whether it's worth it for me, to try concieving again. I had 2 miscarriages, the 2nd with IVF. I had 3 IUIs in between, with Gonal F. |
I have recovered from the last miscarriage now and it's about time to go back to the fertility clinic, if I'm going to at all.
-We only had 6 eggs, and only one made it to implantation. So we would have to start from the beginning again. I remember signing our lives away, eg. forms saying what would happen to any frozen embryos in the case of divorce or whatever, guess we don't need to worry about any of that.
-I had a hard time recovering from both miscarriages. The first time, it was straightforward: they found out the pg was not viable, I bled, I bled too much, I had a D & C. The second time, I didn't bleed for about a month after they found no baby, and they gave me Misoprostol, and I bled a little bit. When I really started to bleed, I bled a lot and I went to emerg and had a D & C (2 days later) However afterward, I kept bleeding, which was good for maybe 2 more emerg visits. Finally my fertility doctor put me on the pill for about a month (I had an extra 2 weeks of bcp sitting around from the IVF) which stopped the bleeding. I had the IVF in July. Only in February did I have my first normal post-IVF period.
-I had a hard time recovering emotionally from both miscarriages. The 2nd time was harder, because it was a miscarriage after IVF. I mean the first time, it was meh, okay, nature makes a mistake. But with the IVF, they were supposed to be screening the embryos for genetic mistakes etc. so I am hurt that it didn't work out. From the first miscarriage, I started "talking" to the baby, as though it were an adult. That was a bit disturbing, yet comforting. Finally it went away off into wherever spirits go. With the 2nd miscarriage, I "heard" not a peep. That was disconcerting too.
-My gums were bleeding and turning white while I was on the Gonal F, more so with the IVF because the IVF required more (I guess) I had to start going to the dentist every 4 months and I got an electric toothbrush (which is fabulous in and of itself anyhow) for whatever reason, my gums were giving me a lot of trouble and they're more or less back to normal now. So yeah, I like having all of my teeth and I would like to keep it that way.
-my boyfriend and I have only started normal bedroom activities after months of not doing anything due to all my feeling crappy and bleeding
At this point, I just want to give up and be childless. I am so grateful that my body has gone back to having normal periods and I have my energy back. I want to enjoy that my body functions well right now, and that I'm not tired all the time and feeling like shit.
Am I going insane or am I just doing what is right for me?
If I go through more IVF and have another miscarriage, I don't know the words to describe how I will feel. This last time was about all I could take.
I'm just so tired of everything babies and fertility.
Note: I have been doing counselling with a lady who specializes in infertility issues. I feel a lot better, I really needed help because I was a wreck. She told me that talking to people who were not able to show any sympathy towards me (ie my mom & sisters) was not productive, so I basically stopped talking to them LOL and I feel better. I don't feel anywhere as bad as I did a few months ago though.